Frequently Asked Questions

How do you recommend parents minimize the impact the media has with our young teens regarding body image? Specifically, how do we help our daughters realize that these ultra thin, beautiful models are not what they should aspire to be?

I think the best way to combat the impact of the media is to provide young girls with information that refutes what they are seeing. Also, one needs to communicate to young girls that their worth is not measured by their body size.
Good facts to know:

Models 20 years ago weighed 8% less than the average woman. Today they weigh 23% less.

The models in the magazine have the benefit of being air brushed...they are not perfect. You are not looking at reality when you look at magazines.

The average woman is 5'4" and weighs 144.
The average model is 5'9"-6' and weighs 110-118.

There are 3 billion women who don't look like super models.

A 1995 psychological study found that 3 minutes spent looking at models in fashion magazines caused 70% of females to feel depressed, guilty and shameful.

It is important also to communicate messages such as that below to young teens:

I want to be closer to my daughter, age 12, but she just won't open up. She all of a sudden acts like I'm a pest! We used to be so close. what can I do?

Keep letting your daughter know how you feel and keep asking her to express her emotions on a regular basis. It is important for her to have a place were it feels safe to talk about her struggles, when she's scared or feels she has made a mistake. You might want to encourage her to engage with you through other forms of communication. Invite her to write letters to you. It is important for you to express your feelings and model healthy communication. Let her know that you would like to have an emotional dialogue so she doesn't feel like you are being intrusive and wanting to control her. Rather you want to invite her to talk. Providing a constant open invitation means that you will listen to her without judgment and will give encouragement and reassurance.

My daughter is a kind, sweet and smart girl, but she doesn't seem to have many friends. Should I worry?

Your daughter may simply have an introverted temperament and be quite content with a more solitary life. Yet it is important for all young people to have some social interactions. Most children learn how to be social within the family. If you are concerned about your daughter's socialization make sure that opportunities be provided to her where she contributes to family relationships. Provide her with tasks that help contribute to the maintenance of the home. It is important that your daughter feels needed and feels that she has something to offer. If she feels like a burden or somehow guilty, within the family, she is going to be less inclined to engage with her peers because she will fear becoming a burden to them as well.

My daughter (15) is expressing a decided preference to spend time with her father. I'm beginning to feel like a "third wheel" Is it me? Or is it her?

It is actually very healthy for your daughter to be spending time with her father. Girls reach a critical age where they begin thinking about boys and their relationships with their fathers become extremely important. A daughter learns from a father's positive affirming interactions that she is "OK", that she is attractive, intelligent and important. Fathers also teach their daughters that it OK to say NO to boys. When a young girl experiences healthy interactions between herself and her father, the stage becomes set for her to have healthy relationship with the opposite sex later in life.

My daughter's drivers ed coach this summer kept making comments about "women drivers" and generally had a sexist attitude (according to her) Should I say something about it to the company?

YES. Support your daughter.