What's Important to Girls and What Parents Can Do to Make a Difference
By Renee Spencer, LILSW

THINGS THAT SEEM TO MAKE A DIFFERENCE FOR GIRLS

1. Being active in group activities -- things they are good at-- and keeping track of victories. These include sports, school, debate, dance, band, volunteer activities. (Advice to girls: write down three things every day that you feel proud of. Write down good qualities and read them everyday.)
2. Having creative outlets. Girls need ways to connect with and express themselves: drawing, painting, singing, music, writing (journals, poems, stories). Girls are much attuned to the thought s and feelings of others. They need encouragement to also attend to their own thoughts and feelings.
3. Resisting gender-role stereotyping. According to the AAUW, girls who resist gender-role stereotypes in the classroom, resist them elsewhere more effectively as well. They found a relationship between math confidence and overall self-confidence, as well as a link between liking math and aspiring to professional careers.
4. Spending time answering the question, "Who am I?" Any time a girl can spend looking within, finding a "true self," and not just a "Cover Girl" self, acknowledging unique gifts, accepting all feelings -- not just the socially acceptable ones -- and making firm decisions about values and meaning, is time well spent in maintaining a healthy sense of self.
The analogy Pipher makes is to a girl finding her "North Star", or her bearings, as she rides in a boat being tossed around by the winds of the world. The voices of parents, teachers, friends and the media can blow the boat to the east, west, north and south and back again. To stay on course, the boat's captain must follow her own "North Star" -- her own sense of who she is. Only by orienting to this point, can a girl chart a course that leads her to herself and the fulfillment of dreams.
5. Identifying and having her own needs met. Girls lose touch with how to get their needs met, and even with what those needs might be. Spending time just thinking about her own thoughts and feelings, her needs, wishes, desires and dreams, helps a girl stay in touch with her inner reality. A specific exercise girls seem to find helpful is meditation. Just sitting quietly, breathing deeply and focusing on their own thoughts and feelings. Not judging them, just observing them, respecting them. Simply engaging in curiosity about their own needs is healthy and helpful for girls.
6. Lastly, girls need supportive relationships. Supportive people are those who respect who your are, who have your best interests at heart, who you care about and who care about you and who will listen to you. A few of these kinds of friends is much more important than a room full of "acquaintances."

This site was last updated on 11/24/2004.

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