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If you consider yourself pretty open minded and never thought you’d be
saying half the things you do about your daughter’s choice of clothing, music,
and television – welcome to the world of being the mother of a pre-adolescent girl.
High-heeled boots, low-necked blouses that emphasize her endowments, and hip-hugger
bell-bottom pants that fall below the belly button. These are just some of the clothes that my
daughter wants to wear. For more formal occasions the plea is to dress in
mini-skirts that barely cover, and of course to have fishnet stockings to
complete the outfit. Then there are the sweat pants and shorts with provocative
sayings that go right across her behind. She’s been asking for second and third pierces in her ears and would
love to pierce her belly button as well. Did I mention that my daughter just turned eleven?
Why would a pre-adolescent girl want to wear such
provocative things you may ask? Well, if you’ve visited the junior girls department of any major department store
recently, these are the fashions that are being marketed to girls who have
outgrown the children’s department and are junior size 4-14. Lauren has always been big for her age.
She outgrew the children’s department when she was ten, which left us with the dilemma of shopping for jeans that fit her
around the hips, yet were still at least five inches too long. Now that she’s grown taller, at least I don’t
have to face the tears that occurred when I had to hem and cut off most of the
beloved bellbottoms dragging dangerously over her shoes as she walked.
Don’t designers realize that since kids are growing faster at a younger age, they
should provide clothing in department stores that are more appropriate in size
and style for 10-12 year-old girls? Girls especially, go through an awkward
stage where many become heavier in the waist before the growth spurt that
occurs in adolescence. It not only damages their self-image when they can’t fit into clothing designed more for
“skinny girls” but can lead a girl into having an unrealistic expectation about
what her body should look like.
I’m afraid to let my daughter walk home from school wearing the clothes that she
would like to wear. I don’t believe that a girl is “asking for it” by the way she dresses, but am more concerned that
older boys might think she was closer to their age and approach her, not to
mention dirty older men who happen to be driving by.
The choice of clothing is a status symbol that determines the clique kids get to
“hang” with. Let’s face it; the girls who let their mothers choose sensible clothes are generally not considered to
be in the “popular” crowd. It appears that, “smart” girls also don’t make the
cut for being in the right clique.
Failing at Fairness authors, David and Myra
Sadker, write that even girls entering elementary school decidedly
ahead academically, “leave high school significantly behind.” On
average, girls’ SAT scores are 60 points below boys (lower in all areas). This
trend continues to decline in college where girls score 127 points on average
below boys on the Graduate Record Exam (GRE). The desire to be popular and liked by the “in crowd” as well as boys
becomes more important than bringing home A’s. Not wanting to stand out or risk giving the wrong answer out loud in
class also reflects the negative self image that many girls begin have at that
age. Even after all the years when feminism tried to fight the stigma
associated with smart women known for their brains rather than body, the emphasis
on looks exists as much today as ever before.
Feeding that hip promiscuous image is pop culture – especially the music our daughters are listening to on the radio and watching
on television. One does not have to watch MTV or Super Bowl Half-Time promoting stars like Britney Spears and Janet
Jackson to know that our society places high marks on their sexy rather than
smart image. The content of television, radio, movies, and most certainly video games gives clear messages that in
order for a female to be considered desirable, they must look sexy and show
skin. More alarming is how all of these experiences can set the stage later on
for a girl to want to attain an impossibly thin image leading to eating
disorders such as anorexia or bulimia.
Research shows that girls face special risks during adolescence. According to Dr. Mary Pipher,
author of Reviving Ophelia: Saving the Selves of Adolescent Girls, “The
loss of ‘self value’ is at the core of epidemic rates of eating disorders,
self-mutilations, depression, drug use and sexual acting out among teen girls.”
Statistically, 1 in 5 girls will have an eating disorder by the time they reach
their early 20’s. More than 1 in 3 adolescent girls experience a period of serious depression during adolescence
and 1 in 10 will suffer a severe depressive episode. These facts and more can
be found on this website. GENaustin presents these statistics as
evidence of the harm caused by “rampant ‘lookism’ promoted by the media and the
culture, gender bias in the classroom and growing awareness among girls of
gender stereotypes that devalue women."
But to be fair, total blame doesn’t lie with just the fashion and media
industries. Recently, my daughter’s cheerleading team offered the purchase of white sweat pants for the girls to
wear when the weather got too cold for short cheerleading skirts. Across the rear end, in bright Kelly green,
was the team’s name. When I questioned
one of the coaches why the name was put there rather than on the side of the
leg or somewhere more appropriate for girls ages 9-12, I was told that if I had
a problem with the design, I could buy my daughter a plain pair at the local
sports clothing store. Rather than have
Lauren feel “out-of-it” by not having the same pants as the rest of her team,
of course, I bought her a pair.
What kind of message are we sending to our children? On one hand, schools and parents instruct
kids to be respectful of one another, instill the belief that boys and girls
have equal opportunities, and give warnings to children – especially girls to
be self-protective of child molesters. On the other hand, fashion czars and peer pressure often forces us to
dress our daughters in clothing that is provocative and brings attention to
their budding sexuality. If this sounds
contradictory – it is.
It would be great to not clash with my daughter every time we go shopping for
clothes. If only there were more fashion
choices with a healthier yet trendy image that she would want to wear. It’s up
to the media, retailers, and each and every one of us to affirm a new, bold
image of young women, which goes beyond a girl’s sexual identity and resists
the unhealthy and unreal images of “female.” As Dr. Pipher suggests, this is accomplished primarily through
awareness of unhealthy media messages, self-awareness, body awareness and the
learning of specific coping skills.”
I keep telling Lauren, “Slow down, you’ll be grown up before you know it.” And about that second earring pierce -
I was able to convince her to wait another
two years until she turns thirteen…
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