The day after Father’s day, it seems important to reflect upon the incredibly influential role fathers play in the lives of girls.

Studies have shown school-aged children of involved fathers are better academic achievers, get higher grades, do better on standardized tests, and are more likely to attend college. They show a greater tolerance for stress and frustration and are more likely to score high on measures of self-acceptance and social adjustment.

In addition, having an involved father protects children from engaging in delinquent behaviour and is associated with less substance abuse among adolescents, less delinquency, less drug use, truancy, less drinking, and a lower frequency of negative behaviors such as acting out, disruptive behavior, depression, sadness and lying. Adolescents who strongly identified with their fathers were 80% less likely to have been in jail and 75% less likely to have become unwed parents.

Just being present is not enough, however. Children are better off when their relationship with their father is secure, supportive, nurturing, and warm.

In every category of social health and well-being children with supportive, loving fathers tend to do better than their peers with absent or emotionally uninvolved fathers. For girls, a father can provide extremely important emotional support as they navigate the challenges of teenage-dom. Sometimes, fathers can find it difficult or confusing to help their daughters through adolescent challenges they never personally faced. We asked women for examples of ways they personally felt supported by their dads.

My dad is continually supportive of my interests, even when those interests defy ‘traditional expectations’. He also instilled in me the conviction that all people deserve respect, acceptance, and equality.

My dad taught me a lot of valuable lessons/skills I am so happy to have now as an adult like changing a flat tire, first aid and telling a good joke.

I appreciate that my dad made sure that I understood the financial world from a very young age. In my house it was never assumed that I would financially depend on anyone when I grew up. He would help me take my savings to deposit at the bank, showed me how to buy bonds, and let me help him balance his checkbook. I loved how grown up it felt to do these things as an elementary student and the lessons have stayed with me through the years.

My dad never talked down to me, wasn’t afraid to show emotion, supported my interests and provided a model of manhood that showed me showing emotions was its own kind of strength.

 

Not all of us are lucky enough to have fathers in our lives, or to have fathers who provided positive support and encouragement. This certainly doesn’t mean that we are destined to a life of low-self-esteem or poor choices. It just means we must be even more aware of the importance of taking control of our own destiny & our own futures. For some of us, uncles, stepdads, teachers, coaches, and brothers can serve as positive male role models. And some of us are lucky enough to have moms who provided unconditional acceptance, modeled love and respect for their own bodies, encouraged communication and gave us support to help us grow up brave and strong. Single mothers show us through their amazing resolve and hard work how it is possible to be both a mom and a dad, the breadwinner & the emotional heart of a family. They show us that being strong & loving are not mutually exclusive, for mothers or fathers.

Many men who are fathers also may have grown up without a positive male role model, which can make knowing the steps to take to be a supportive dad even more difficult. Remember, make sure your daughters (and sons) know that there is no door that is closed to them, that they are just as capable of being a teacher as an engineer (and both choices are equally valid), and that you will love them always and regardless. Be brave enough to show weakness. Treat others with respect so your children learn to do so. Don’t be afraid of periods- your acceptance will show your daughters and sons growing up is nothing to be ashamed of.

This isn’t everything, of course, but they are important pieces in the journey of being a father who empowers his daughter. Check out these other posts from dads for more advice on how dads (and all men) can be advocates and allies for girls and women.

 

 

 

 

 

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By: Ted Rutherford

When I was asked to guest blog for GENaustin, I was honored. I have a tremendous amount of respect and admiration for the work that GENaustin does to “support and guide girls to make wise choices as they navigate the unique pressures of girlhood” as stated in their mission. I quickly accepted the opportunity to support them and was eager to hear more about what they were looking to get from me. However, this is where the story took a dramatic turn because it was then that I learned that I was one of the first people from outside the organization to be invited to blog for them. Me. A guy. A father of two boys. I mean, how much could I know or understand about the unique pressures of girlhood? How much insight could I provide? To be honest, my initial reaction was panic. Then, like I took a kick to the shin from my 3rd grade “girlfriend” (she always wore penny loafers), I felt the stinging reality that many of the unique pressures of girlhood they were referring to in their mission exist because of [sigh] guys.

You see, the world we live in tells all of us, regardless of our biological sex, that boys and men are supposed to be tough, in control, rigid, emotionless, fearless, powerful and dominant. While this is an impossible standard to live up to, all men (to varying degrees) use these traits as a measuring stick to check ourselves and each other. When guys act in ways that are outside of these social expectations their masculinity gets challenged in phrases like “man up” or “quit acting like a girl”. I am sure you have heard them. The message to guys is loud and clear that girls are weak, emotional, timid, powerless and submissive and those traits are not valued in our world and you are not to be any of those things if you plan on calling yourself a man.

These messages about gender are passed from generation to generation and they are reflected and reinforced in areas such as the workplace, at home, the media, advertising, religion and schools. They are embedded in our everyday life. We internalize these messages and they inform, even if in small ways, everything from our self perception to the ways we treat others. They are part of our socialization and they are guided by patriarchy. The intent of them is to bolster the existing power structures that are to the benefit of men and the detriment of everyone else.

Things like the wage gap in the workforce and gender inequality in politics are obvious indicators that there is a significant bias against women in America. I would argue those things are not the problem but the products of our socialization. It is the constant barrage of micro-level messages about gender that, by themselves, seem relatively harmless but in concert create an environment that is very harmful and unjust.

A great example of these pervasive micro-level messages embedded in our day to day lives is in the design and marketing of children’s toys. I became keenly aware of this while shopping online for my son’s first bike a few years ago. I noticed that every bike that was labeled as a “boy’s bike” had an aggressive name like “Lazer” or “Firestorm”. They were all painted in bold colors and patterns and had a bare minimum of padding on the cross bar (if you know what I mean). They conveyed the idea of being tough and rugged and even the ones with training wheels talked about “pushing the limit on fun and excitement” in the product descriptions. On the contrary, the bikes labeled as “girl’s bikes” were almost exclusively pink or purple and had passive names like “Bedazzled” or “Seahorse”. The handlebars were all adorned with glittery streamers and a basket or pouch. They were described as being “as fashionable as they are fun to ride.” As I researched further, I found that it was not just the products that echoed these gender messages, but the marketing did as well. Take a look at these screen shots from the website home pages for each line of bikes

 

For girls:

For boys:

 

If you know anything about marketing, you will know that this company was tapping into existing beliefs about social expectations based on gender. The messages are clear. Girls, find two friends (girls should always travel in packs of 3), put on your swimsuits (???), ride your “Sapphires” on the beach (???) and hope some boys notice you while you work on your tan. Whatever you do, wear your helmets – girls aren’t used to doing athletic things like riding a bike and you break easily even on soft sand. Boys, hop on your “Troublemaker” (not making this up) and head straight to the top of the highest peak you can find. Forget your helmet – it makes you look weak. Once you arrive, sit on the edge and look down on your kingdom. The world is yours for the taking.

I am being a bit hyperbolic, of course. But if you look at the big picture, rather than the individual pixels, it is all there. Am I saying that children’s bikes or other products directly cause things like workplace discrimination or anorexia or sexual violence? No. However, they often do help reinforce traditional gender roles that have taught us to devalue all things feminine. So if boys are told time and again that girls have less value, then you can see how some boys could believe it and treat them as such. Likewise if girls are hearing those same messages, it stands to reason that they, too, might actually believe it and act in ways that are unhealthy.

When presented in this manner it becomes clear that part of the work of helping girls navigate the unique pressures of girlhood is to remove some of those pressures from their path altogether. Perhaps we could some find micro-level (and macro-level) ways to push back against our socialization. Surely we could find ways to teach our children that all of the traits we have discussed are actually human traits that we all embody from time to time regardless of our gender. If there are any dads that are reading this – maybe we can make it our duty to disrupt the messages that the boys and men in our lives receive about what it means to be a man so that we don’t continue to pass along the injustices of our patriarchal society. This would be a huge step in the right direction, but it is going to require that men be brave enough to step out of and stay out of the gender box so to speak. It can start with something as small and as simple as which bike you purchase for your son. Admittedly, it is an uphill climb from there, but we are used to that, right?

Ted Rutherford is just a guy that wants the world to be a better place for everybody.

 

 

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By: Emiliano Diaz de Leon, Guest Blogger

As a men’s nonviolence educator and a father, I would like to celebrate the fathers and father figures in our community, especially those who embody the values of strength, character, and courage in their daily lives.

STRENGTH

We celebrate fathers, step-dads, and all father figures who work hard, promote respect and harmony in their families, and demonstrate great love for their children.

We celebrate fathers who actively engage in raising children and who do their share of family chores, showing by example that it takes everybody’s hard work to make a home.

CHARACTER

We celebrate fathers who love and respect their partners and work honestly to maintain equality in their relationship.

We celebrate fathers who encourage their children to feel good about themselves and who promote understanding and respect between boys and girls.

We celebrate fathers who place their children’s need for love, safety, and support first, whether they live with them each day or some days.

COURAGE

We celebrate fathers who make the difficult choices involved in balancing family and career, ensuring they make time for their children.

We celebrate fathers who challenge prejudice that demeans not just their sons and daughters but everyone else’s, too.

We celebrate fathers who advance the idea that peace and harmony in the home are preconditions for peace and harmony in the world.

Each of these principles, when put into practice on a continuous basis by both fathers and father figures, help to protect young people from domestic violence. This Father’s Day, I want to celebrate fathers who are cultivating nonviolence in their homes, but I also challenge them to look beyond their homes in order to promote peace in their communities by taking a stand against domestic violence with a public pledge.

The pledge reads as follows:

Alongside millions of Texas dads and father figures, I have been a positive but silent example of what it means to be nonviolent. Today, for myself, my family, and my loved ones, I am speaking up. I pledge that I will not be silent about, commit, or condone domestic violence. I pledge that I will teach my children about healthy, nonviolent relationships, and that I will act to make a difference in my home and community.

I wish all fathers and father figures in our community a Happy Father’s Day and encourage them to commit to living out this pledge.

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